We arose to the crispy effervescence of Randy’s signature blend of French Toast Freedom Fries & syrup. Our mission for the day was simple: to become victorious for our club through the grace of club skits. Our warmup consisted of sweeping, toilet scrubbing, table setting, and tent checking. COD Will Davies (Wavies) announced that method acting was scheduled for all campers. Dynamic stretches were encouraged and included. Tennis was canceled, canoe tilters tilted, crews rowed, divers dived, and paddlers canoed.
After our rigorous stretch set, we refueled our 16-gallon Plastic High-Density Polyethylene fuel tanks with 89 octane gasoline. [Editor’s note and translation: We had chile for lunch in Mem Hall.] Rest was shortened to allow for more preparation time for inspection. The inspection crew thoroughly examined each camper’s posture and poise in preparation for the night ahead (club skits tonight!).
During the activity period campers foraged for mushrooms at nature, prepared their props at stage crew, got the blood flowing with loops, body circuits, canoe time trials, and ½ miles, and finalized their stretches on the Grand Pasquaney Diving Raft.
At 5:30 PM, clubs had a final rehearsal in final preparation for the biggest skit night of the summer. The hillside was a dangerous place to be. The boundary between campers and their characters was slim-to-none. This was particularly concerning, seeing that many of the characters were delusional, unhuman, and/or murderous.Nonetheless, we made it to the Watson Theater at 8:00 PM.
The skits were as follows:
Beavers (The Great Mikesby): The rich, powerful, and mysterious Mikesby tries to allure his long-lost love, Jackie Anderson, who is already married to Will Harvey. Conflict ensues, and Mikesby is tragically killed by the boom of Will’s 420. Jackie never recovered from his loss.
Brown Bears (Pasquanified Hamlet): Jack Anderson hears the voice of his mentor, Kirk Phelps, alerting him that Rich DeSalvo murdered him (Kirk). Jack Anderson listens to the voices in his head, realizes Evan McClure is a figment of his imagination, murders Rob Harvey with Imperial New England Style Beans (with Pork), and kills Wes Richardson with a toxic sanitizer and Rich DeSalvo with his trip room white gas. Jack also dies at the hands of Wes and Will Harvey is killed by a poisonous muffin.
Chipmunks (Pasquaney Goes Back to the Future): In the midst of a food shortage, Mr. Michael and Jack Reigeluth approach Townley for a solution. He offers his life’s work: a time machine. They meet the Pasauney God, creator of all Pasquaney, who instructs them to wash a pan. All becomes well in the world.
Hawks (The Invasion): A clan of alien creatures with red hair (Porter Barnes, Amanda Chisholm, & Wavies) invade Pasquaney and attempt to conquer its resources. The plot is foiled by Doug Camp, who pulled some strings to stop their delivery of “orange 5” in the Suez Canal after discovering their plot at a flat earth convention.
Woodchucks (Comfort Camp): A camper gets sent to an alternate version of camp whose sole purpose is to find comfort. Big Mike shows the camper around, bragging about the ways they make life easy (warm showers, Amanda completes all shop projects, etc). However, this occurs at the expense of personal growth. The camper loses his marbles and frantically leaves.
Woodpeckers (Untitled): Jack Anderson ensembles his P16 crew (Evan M, Wavies, Wes R, Aidan B) to tackle the food shortage at camp. Taylor West attempts to join the crew but is dispelled since you can’t write yourself into your own skit. P16 faces off against the Senior Council (Doug, Mike, Jack R) who stashed the food in the Bathhouse to maintain control of the population. After a prolonged chase, P16 emerges victorious.
Each skit was performed with energy, aplomb, gumption, and, above all, with love. The Hawks won the title, but in truth, each skit deserved to win. I have spoken with my comrades, and the consensus emerged that we had just witnessed the greatest skit night ever (in our collective memory).
We ended the night with cool-down stretches & reflection (teeth cleaning & prayers). What a way to spend this one wild and precious day!